Omakes of Volume 5
by Mew Shadowfang
Summary: A collection of random omakes that COULD have occurred throughout Volume 5. Y'know, added funniness and all. Contains an extra pinch of crack. Also, Qrow's the only one in the tags because there are too many characters and everyone knows Uncle Qrow is his own hype. T for some slight... innuendos... ish.


**Quick note, most of these ideas came from other sources, mostly random conversations on Youtube or the like. Enjoy!**

* * *

Take me to my uncle!

Qrow gulped down another shot of liquor in the near-empty bar, trying to lose himself in the drunk-ness. Unfortunately for him, the universe seemed set on never giving him a break. Curse his Semblance.

The familiar sound of a portal suddenly echoed through the building, followed by a loud thump and two grunts of ' _oof'_.

The man turned around to see his angsty niece, the angsty Schnee heiress and a most-likely-angsty-as-well yellow motorcycle trying to untangle themselves from a pile as a red portal flickered out of existence directly above them.

He blinked once.

Twice.

Then he turned back around.

"I'm not drunk enough for this…"

New features

"Well it certainly _feels_ like the original, I'll give you that." Nora said, straining to keep her arm where it was. Yang flashed her a grin as they continued to wrestle.

"Yep. But there are some new features!"

"Oh yeah?"

Nora blinked at a sudden sound. The robotic arm suddenly began to vibrate. The two wrestlers paused in bafflement, Yang with a light dusting of pink in her cheeks. "Whoops. Wrong function."

The next thing Nora knew, her back had slammed into the wall of house. "So… did she win?" Came Jaune's confused voice.

The Semblance Gods

Two ethereal beings floated in a mysterious space of near-nothing. A flat screen-like surface appeared out of nowhere in front of the two, information and images passing by faster then mortal eyes could comprehend.

"Looks like sister is finally done with appearances." One of them spoke, his voice startlingly loud and quiet as a whisper at the same time. "What should we do with these two?"

The other floated up to the one patch of something and laid whatever qualified as a hand on it, pausing the influx of information. "... I'm bored." His melodious voice bounced off absolutely nothing, endlessly traversing the infinite distance of the white near-nothing yet still somehow echoing.

The First did what qualified as a blink for a being made out of ethereal mists. "Whatever do you mean, brother?"

"I mean, I am bored. And for the sake of curing this boredom, I need some entertainment." Second glanced pointedly at the flat screen, still paused.

"Brother, you already did this fourteen mortal semblances ago. I'm sure your boredom would surely have been cured at this point." First waved an arm, forming an infinite screen directly below the two floating immortals. In the screen, a very irritated women filled a coffee cup with hot cocoa with a very irritated flick of her wrist, magical forces immediately filling the thing. A wizened old man then took a drink from said cup, smiling at the hot cocoa that had originally been from the other side of the world. First paused the scene, studying his brother's stubborn look. "... Nothing I say will change your mind, will it?"

"No." Second focused on the screen again. "Hmm. Born to a bandit tribe. They attend Beacon. One of them has a fling with their teammate… deserts her family… becomes bandit leader… other is a good little uncle and helps take care of her kid, essentially the second father." He muttered thoughtfully to himself. First watched on skeptically as Second suddenly raised a misty arm and snapped his fingers, beginning to type furiously on the screen. A moment later, Second floated away from the screen, sheer proudness radiating off of him. "Eh? Ehhh?"

First floated up and read the new contents. He raised an eyebrow and turned a questioning glance to his brother. "... You are a sadist."

Second merely flashed him a grin. "So I am."

First gave a sigh and waved his arm across the screen, causing it to shrink into itself until nothing was there anymore. "Sister will be mad you did this again, for the sake of messing with her History."

"So be it."

Another screen flickered into existence between them. First contemplated the blur of information, and held up a hand. " _I_ will be the one doing this."

"... Fine."

 **Meanwhile, on Remnant…**

"And that's her semblance."

"... so you're telling me she can make a portal to any one of us at any point in time-"

"Yup."

"And for 17 years she doesn't do as much as to _say hi_ -"

"... Yup."

"Even though her semblance literally screams 'GO VISIT YOUR FAMILY'?"

A sigh. "Yup…"

"That, that… that damn ass!"

"Believe me, I know."

I see your schwartz is as big as mine

The two epically warring Maidens glared at each other from across the room of the Vault. Two balls of pure energy surrounded them, lighting up the room with an ethereal glow.

Cinder growled and focused, concentrating the energy into one solid form. In her hands a fiery spark erupted and grew, flames running along the edge of a blade of molten rock.

On the other side, Raven narrowed her eyes and did the same, holding her hands in front of her. In between them, a long glistening sword of pure ice condensed, its blade towering over its wielder as well.

With a cry, the two Maidens rushed at one another, bringing their blades together in an epic clash.

In the resulting shockwaves that followed, Cinder blinked suddenly before getting a wry grin on her face.

"I see your schwartz is as big as mine."

"..."

"Let's see if you know how to use it."

Raven just slapped her across the face, not even bothering to keep two hands on her 'as-big-as-Cinder's' schwartz. "Wrong franchise!" She yelled, as the Fall Maiden tumbled head over heels from the unexpected strike.

Then she turned to me. Her eyes, still encased in fire, roamed over the line above this one, specifically landing on 'as-big-as-Cinder's' schwartz'. With the most casual flick of the wrist, the words burned away, even as her narrowed eyes remained firmly on me. Thinking quickly, I quickly wrote down "Cinder suddenly appeared from behind!" and lo and behold, there the Fall Maiden was. Raven was quick to react, and parried the strike before going onto the offensive.

As for the words...

Luckily I had a backup.

Wait is that a fireba-

 ***FOOM***

Raven glared at you.

" **THIS STORY DOES NOT EXIST. YOU SAW NOTHING. NOW GO BACK TO THE ARCHIVE AND SELECT SOME OTHER DUMB FIC TO READ."**

She paused.

" **THE AUTHOR ALSO HUNGERS FOR REVIEWS. REVIEW OR FACE MY ICY FIREBALLS."**

"Or her schwartz!"

" **DAMMIT CINDER, YOU WILL DIE NOW!"**


End file.
